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| It's been a while hasn't it? I felt it was necessary to revisit the oldie but goodie, always dependable xanga for some heartfelt ranting.
My parents separated when I was 13, at a time when having a father around for special occasions, for advice, for support would have been nice. Instead, their tumultuous relationship inevitably changed my relationship with my dad. I made little effort to connect with him in high school, though we did play catchup during the occasional birthday dinners. It's not that my father neglected me, he had too many demons to battle and I wanted to remove myself from that kind of dysfunction. College came and went, we bonded at least. Those demons still perched, looming over him like a vulture.
Over the years, I didn't realize how quickly my father's health was deteriorating. I've always naively assumed that my parents were invincible (and that they always made the right decisions--which I now know is SO not true). His substance abuse and negligence has gnawed away at his health. Recently, I found out how sick he has been, I hate myself for not being there to intercept during the decline. My dad has severe liver damage and I know this without even reading his medical reports. I can see it in his eyes, his skin, his bruises. I've lost a family member to cirrhosis (which ultimately developed into liver cancer) and in my dad, I've envisioned the same solemn trek to the grave. Now I feel helpless. I can only make up for lost time (all those dinners and lunches and holidays!), and make sure he's taking care of himself.
Despite everything he put my mom and me through, my dad is a great man. He was extremely poor growing up and never had an opportunity to obtain higher education. He came to the States with nothing and picked up a trade that took years of hard work to perfect. Now he is one of the best in his field. For someone who never learned English, he has never cowered away from speaking his mind. And the thing i admire about him most is regardless of what kind of shit he's in, he has incredible work ethic and will not let people down. He's also tough as nails.
Seeing him in his current state, I can't help but wonder whether I should feel comforted that at least for most of his life, he has done what he's wanted and accomplished what he had set out to accomplish. I know he has regrets, but he has definitely lived his life to the fullest.
*sigh*
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| I've been busy writing this article for work, trying to work on my design project, and finally, my phone has been outta wack. It's time to get a new phone I think. If you need to reach me, please email me or hit me up on myspace. Oh yea, I have a new blog. So long xangar! The future awaits... http://www.eyeprinciple.blogspot.com | | |
| Oops. When I said RAGE, I meant Rage against the Machine. You know, the smelly angry people who insist that the Rage reunion will be as intense as the Parousia. Don't get me wrong--I liked them in the 9th grade. I liked them until I realized that their political endeavors were sparking misinterpretation. Kids responded to their leftist angle by drawing anarchy signs on their backpacks with white-out. These same kids also shot milk bullets out of their noses with straws. | | |
| Howdy. How did i go by three months without blogging? This has been the most profound hiatus yet. I've been extremely busy with work and my design class and concerts and friends and paul and ebay and obsessing over blogs. My nerdism has escalated (hard-to-believe, no?) and my own blog has collected cyberspace dust. Besides, I've had personal ish to deal with and scrutinizing that aspect of my life online seemed dangerous. OH, I also took a little vacation and ended up in Mexico City, that was HELLA REAL and fun. I had about six bloody nose-capades there but I had excellent tacos. You win some, you lose some I guess.
So, I'm probably going to Coachella. Thanks to my best friend who is uber enthusiastic about going this year (which I'm secretly very enthusiastic about). The only downside to this is I probably won't have any money for SXSW left after Coachella. I also have seen most of the bands I like in LA already. OH, Sunday is going to draw the worst crowd, the RAGE crowd that I've spent much of my adult life avoiding, especially since I work in WEHO. Rage Fans sure are bros. Speaking of bros, I saw this stupid boy at the deerhoof concert eat it when he tried to stage dive. Can't say that wasn't the highlight of the night. God, I'm so immature!
Anyway, i have more interesting news to share, but we'll have to wait. Good riddance! | | |
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